Not a happy bunny!

Can you see why?? This is what I have been left with for a wetrrom today *rolls eyes* Finally the workmen actually SHOWED UP to start the work to fix my wetroom drainage issues.

They ripped up my sparkly lino floor and then left saying they "hoped" to be back tomorrow or the day after, but that it would be "unlikely" that my new floor would be done before next week, out-fecking-ragous is what pops into my head.

I am even more troubled by the fact that the floor isn't exactly what you would call even or safe for me with my sticks to walk on.

I am truely pissed off right now and if they don't come back tomorrow they will be dealing with one VERY pissed off bunny, who will do what I have to to get this sorted that includes shafting them in the media if it comes to it.

The way I have been treated on EVERY single thing that has needed done onmy local authority flat is fecking outrageous, this one thing alone has taken OVER a year to get to this point.

What they think because I am a cripple (sorry I truely hate the word disabled) that I will just quietly let it happen?? BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA damn did they get that one wrong. They have fucked with the WRONG cripple.

another week, more workmen :(

So last week I had workmen in ripping out my very dated and useless kitchen and replacing it with something much more me friendly, also flipping my front door to open the other way. I am happy with 99.9% of it, but there is a wee bit that I need to chase up in the kitchen.

This coming week I have contractors coming in to rip out my wetroom floor and re-plumb under it and also now I found out digging up the drainage in my communal backgarden (ooo my neighbours will love me, NOT) and replacing that too. Am I looking forward to this??? NO, I have had to persuade my birther to take my girlies for another week whilst this is all going on, which means more sleepless nights (I struggle to sleep without my cats on the bed) and feeling so freaking lonely it ain't funny.

The birther has tried to persuade me to give the workmen keys to do the work and me not be there, but I am not sure I trust them to do the work, so I am going to see how I feel about it later.

Hair bez gone :D

OOoooooooo I love it, my long hair is now short and managable.

Why the heck have I not done this earlier I keep asking myself. Oh yeah cos I was a wimpy woos LOL

That is all for now :D

Royally screwed up!

Royally screwed up, yep that is what I am, do I blame my parents and my family for it?

Actually for a lot of it YES. I know to be like I am I had to already be messed up before I was even born, but hell my up bringing and what happened to me during my childhood has had a hell of a lot to do with the way I turned out.

Is it because my Mother was a sex worker or my Dad had a drug habit?
NO is the resounding answer to that question.

The way they both were without those factors was enough I reckon. Though I do thing that people's attitudes towards what my mother did for a living had a MAJOR effect on me.

Did my Grandmother sexually abusing me for years have anything to do with it??
HELL YES.

Did the mental abuse I suffered have anything to do with it???
I think so most definitely.

The fact my Mother knowingly slept with an HIV+ man with OUT protection and seemed to gloat about doing it to all who would listen when I was 13 have anything to do with it?
It taught me that my Mother had/has little or no respect for the consequences of her actions and the effect that they might have on others, so YES I learned that actually I really didn't matter to her that much.

Did my Mother taking me clubbing and pubbing from around 12/13 years old have anything to do with it??
I definitely did and learned things that NO young person should learn so early in life. Did it damage me? I am not really sure about that one, I know that I did the clubbing scene and got bored of it before a lot of people had even discovered it.

Do I wish my life had been different HELL YES, do I wish I could be "normal"? NAH WTF is normal anyhoo???

Chop, chop, chop and off it goes

Well I have finally made my mind up to have my very long hair (butt length) cut very short (jaw length), I have been humming and hawing this desicions for WAY to long (over a year) and have finally made my mind up.

If I happen to not like it I can always grow it back again, but for the ease of looking after short hair I am willing to risk it. Just now it can take up to 12 hours to dry as I don't use a hairdryer, and it takes at least 20 minutes to brush it at night even if I have brushed it in the morning and had it up all day *rolls eyes*.

This is not the first time I have drasticly cut my hair, the first time I was 10 and it had taken 3 years of bugging the birther for her to finally relent, and when it was actually cut she ran crying out of the hairdressers LOL.

Little did she know that within a year I would have a proper tankgirl doo with a shaved head with tuft LMFAO.

The last time I did it I was 19 and just wanted to be able to get up and go out without faffing around for ages. So I know it is liberating to chop off your hair.

So roll on Thursday (my appointment) and less shampoo and conditioner.

Then all that will be left is to find a hair dye colour I like :D

anger and pain

Each day I hold this hurt and anger in inside I die a little more, but what would happen if I let it all out?

Would you even notice or care, that I doubt as it would mean admitting the world does NOT revolve around you 24/7 and that "oh Lord help us" you may just possible have been wrong, and we all know that just does NOT happen *rolls eyes*.

Did you know the damage you would do to me by hiding that I had told you for 9 years?? Did you even care?? Why was she never punished for what she did to me for all those years?? NO I don't count not being left alone with her as a punishment for her, it was a punishment for me that you even let that woman near me ever again.

Did you even contemplate getting me counseling, so that maybe I wouldn't be TOTALLY fucked up for the rest of my life??? It was hidden away in a dark cupboard never to be aired in public or even with the family, do you know or care how THAT made me feel??

No well I am letting you know now, all be it in a way you will never be likely to come across.

It made me feel like dirt on the bottom of the family's shoes, that I was never important enough to be cared about. Was that because of what had happened or was it because I was my father's daughter???

I never could tell which made you despise me more.

Twazocks, they are all twazocks

ARGH, inept asstards at the repairs direct department at the council.
Having had 4 repairs direct plumbers out to look at my wet floor shower to find out why it floods so quickly and when I emptied the wetroom sink it came up the shower drain, they finally discovered it was because it had been BADLY fitted. So they had to refer the job back to the adaptations department that fitted it apparently, that was a month and a half ago and I have been waiting since to hear back.

Well finally today I got sick of waiting and chased the whole thing up.

No it is not ANYTHING to do with adaptations as my wetroom was installed OVER a year ago, so back to freaking repairs direct again ARGH.

Now I have to get an inspector to come out (BTW they are NOT actual experienced workmen the inspectors) to apporove them ripping up the floor to re-plumb in the drain ARGH.

Whats the bet that the twazock inspector says "your drains just blocked"??? No it fecking ain't btw, they have tried clearing the drain and it made bollock all difference.

retail therapy

Ooooo had to do retail therapy today, but at least I did practical retail therapy. I now got mez some snug and toasty knee high winter booties :D for cheap cheap price :D :D

Shame that whenever I go out I get the same freaking looks from people when they notice my walking sticks, you know that "what the feck?" look or worse the look of utter "oh thank you that isn't me" ARGH!!!!

What you never seen a disabled 27 year old before??? and NO it didn't happen in a car crash *rolls eyes* now with these hot flushes I REALLY hate going out, people actual side step away like you have the plague or something, well they do that alrady but heyho it is worse than normal.

I swear I must have been Atila the Hun in a past life to deserve all this shite I have to deal with, but at least I am NOT normal that would be SOOOOOOO boring LMAO.

parent, adult, child!!!

I find it difficult sometimes to remember that I am the adult/child not the parent/adult in the relationship with my birther, whoever told her you have children to be slaves should be lined up against a wall and slapped with the trout of enlightenment.

On more than one occasion today I had to say "look your the adult, make your own desicions" and I even had to walk out of a shop and leave her there for a while.

Have I ever managed to sit down and have an adult to adult conversation with her, LMFAO I reckon hell will freeze over before that happens. Why you ask well no person with a narcissistic personality is EVER going to admit they were EVER wrong or at fault for anything *rolls eyes skywards* and hell she has at least 5 of the markers of having narcissistic personality disorder.

And what of the paternal parent, BWHAHAHA the one that just wants to be my friends and is even more f*cked up than I am.

feeling blah

I have finally given in and have started a blog.
I doubt anyone will read it but hayho.

Today was NOT a good day, I started by taking the birther to the dentist at an ungodly hour this morning, dealing with her valied is not fun. She insisted on being "allowed" to go shopping, who is the freaking parent here??????

I took her home only for her to smash my girlies food bowls emptying her dishwasher, so off I go to replace them at MY expense *rolls eyes*, on the drive I saw a dog being hit by a lorry *cries muchly* thankfully it was killed instantly, but I will have that image in my head for a long time :(

I came back to the birther's and just cuddled my cats for a few hours :(

DAMN I wanna go home.