Monday 15 October 2007

Royally screwed up!

Royally screwed up, yep that is what I am, do I blame my parents and my family for it?

Actually for a lot of it YES. I know to be like I am I had to already be messed up before I was even born, but hell my up bringing and what happened to me during my childhood has had a hell of a lot to do with the way I turned out.

Is it because my Mother was a sex worker or my Dad had a drug habit?
NO is the resounding answer to that question.

The way they both were without those factors was enough I reckon. Though I do thing that people's attitudes towards what my mother did for a living had a MAJOR effect on me.

Did my Grandmother sexually abusing me for years have anything to do with it??
HELL YES.

Did the mental abuse I suffered have anything to do with it???
I think so most definitely.

The fact my Mother knowingly slept with an HIV+ man with OUT protection and seemed to gloat about doing it to all who would listen when I was 13 have anything to do with it?
It taught me that my Mother had/has little or no respect for the consequences of her actions and the effect that they might have on others, so YES I learned that actually I really didn't matter to her that much.

Did my Mother taking me clubbing and pubbing from around 12/13 years old have anything to do with it??
I definitely did and learned things that NO young person should learn so early in life. Did it damage me? I am not really sure about that one, I know that I did the clubbing scene and got bored of it before a lot of people had even discovered it.

Do I wish my life had been different HELL YES, do I wish I could be "normal"? NAH WTF is normal anyhoo???

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Honey, I'm so sorry for all you went through.
Hugs,

Jackie (POP)